Straight Talk About Slipcovers.

There was one aspect of grown-up reality that only hit me recently: slipcovers. C's wonderful parents gave us the most gorgeous set of couches last year and second only to the thought "Oh my goodness I'm an adult with nice furniture now!" was "Holy God, I need a slipcover."

These are seriously nice couches. Antiques, even. White. White antique couches. C and I are that lazy brand of couple who own a kitchen table but use it more for putting mail on than anything else - we eat at the coffee table, sitting on the couches. Very risky.

"They're purrrfect... I can shed all over this!"

Trouble finding a slipcover aside [good luck finding something that will work for antiques without paying an arm and a leg for custom fitted!], I spent the nearly $200 and ended up with two chocolate-brown generic stretchy slipcovers. Stretchy was necessary if I wanted them to look like they fit whatsoever.

Turns out? They're a tremendous amount of work. I am constantly re-tucking and lint-rolling, all to almost no avail. C wiggles and wriggles and scooches and slides and by the end of the day my couches look like the sofa version of the Paper Bag Princess [if that's a thing].

Even worse: polyester and spandex do not a happy home make. This fabric collects everything it touches. We have hardwood floors throughout our apartment, and heaven forbid I accidentally touch the bottom of the slipcover with the broom while I'm sweeping! Every speck of dirt and dust and dander that was stuck to my broom is now hopelessly clinging to my slipcover.

I invested in lint rollers. Dozens of them. Once a week I'd spend an hour or more lint-rolling these damn slipcovers. Rosie loved it - at the first sign of lint-rolling she'd come running and try her best to get in my way so I'd accidentally roll over her. This is not help with my cat-hair-all-over-the-slipcovers problem. Rosie aside, lint rolling was not working.

Enter the mightiest tool yet known in the fight against slipcover lint: the dampened hand.

I kid you not. Rosie helped, showing absolutely no remorse whatsoever.

I decided to maximize my productivity by washing a load of dishes while I cleaned the couches. Wash a few dishes, pat hands dry, rub down couches, repeat. I ran out of dishes even before I had finished with the loveseat, but I set up a little dampening station nearby and sallied forth!

None of the dust/fluff/hair sticks to your hand whatsoever and it completely solves my static problem that I have with the roller. I'm about to show you something truly horrifying; you may never look at your couch the same way again. This:

...is from the loveseat. Yuck!

I know it's terribly mundane but I am so excited to finally have a solution for these stupid, necessary slipcovers. So excited that I'm still only halfway through, blogging this. I've got our loveseat all tidied up and it's on to the sofa next!

No longer are my couches unfit for dress pants! Rosie has already tried her funny business but I shall be discouraged no longer. Now that I've got this under wraps it'll be a quick tidy once a week, instead of two futile attempts a day!

Ah, domestic bliss!